You know that children's book Are You My Mother? In the book mother bird leaves to go find food for her soon-to-be-hatched baby, but while she is gone is when he hatches. What follows is a long journey of him searching for his mother, going up to cats, dogs, chickens, even a back hoe, asking each one "Are you my mother?"
That's what I've felt like this year, searching for my mojo.
Somewhere along the line early this year I think I gave up on life. I stopped meal planning (which meant barely cooking and what I did cook was trash), I just about stopped cleaning, I pretty much stopped knitting, I stopped blogging (and interacting), I stopped doing the normal things I did. You know all those things I used to talk about that had you all fooled I had it together? Yeah. I didn't have it together this time.
I spent most of the summer battling some bouts of depression and trying to figure out why I wasn't "normal" anymore. It's been a long summer, filled with changes, working through pain and problems, looking at myself, dealing with a lot of shit (sorry, best word I have for it), and still trying to make sure our home is a home and trying to pull together what little bit of myself I could to not let everything go to hell.
On top of all that, I've been working so hard to get Bumblewood launched and going, all by myself, late at night, which I think was actually good because it gave me a ... purpose. Something to keep me going and not let myself slip so far off the edge. (I hate to make this sound like my kids and my husband aren't a good enough "purpose", they are! and I love them all deeply, but I don't think I could really describe it to you unless you've been there...)
I think, I hope, I've finally figured out my problems and settled into the new me. I feel like I'm finally coming alive again. I feel like I'm finally walking out of the fog I've been in for months, like I finally care again.
|Iron Man, Batman, Hulk, Black Widow, and Spider Man|
Anyways, enough of my pity party.
It's been a busy summer, busy last couple of weeks since I posted.
Bumblewood did another show at the beginning of the month, this time at the American Heroes Car Show which raised funds for the Wounded Warriors foundation, Young Marines, and Soldier's Angels. I had a great time, launched a new line of all natural Deodorants, and was nestled next to a sweet friend who sells her amazing candles. It was a wonderful day!
We very sadly had to get rid of the puppy, Annie. She was just too rough with our little guys, nipping and jumping and plowing them over. They didn't know how to handle it, and they had just about stopped going outside because she was too rough. That on top of destroying absolutely everything in the backyard (including the rope bridge of their new fort).... It was too much. So we are pet-less again, and it will probably stay that way for awhile.
The soaps have gotten so popular in just a month that I had to order two more molds. I started this all with two little 3 lb molds, and I can barely keep up with demand. So I've ordered two 6 lb molds and that should hopefully be good for awhile. I just need more shelf space to hold all the soap. :)
There have been some very frustrating aspects of the business, but it's not really worth getting into and I'm trying to let it roll off my back. It's just surprising, and interesting, in a way.
The boys are doing excellent in school! Jack is trying to read things on his own, sounding out words and making good guesses on the ones that are really big. Ty can read the words I give him, but isn't interested enough to do it on his own, so we won't push it too much and will wait until he shows more interest. I believe the best way to make a kid hate something and cause fights is to force them to do it, so we go with the flow around here.
They are all growing like weeds! And eating like dinosaurs. They have consumed so much food lately.
We have been sick twice in the last month. This is mostly my fault, and mostly to do with my issues and not cooking like normal. I stopped cooking all our meals from scratch, and we supplemented a lot with either fast food, or boxed food. And our immune systems paid for. So I'm determined to get back on track because being sick is not fun and I really don't have time for it.
I have a few Christmas orders for knitted items that I am working on. One is a set of head band ear warmers with flowers on them. They are really simple and really cute, and I am almost done with them. After that I have a set of stockings for a friend.
I'm sort of in limbo right now as I wait for supplies (totally not happy with the slow service of my suppliers right now) and printer ink. I can't make things, or label what I do have ready right now. I told that to Ben and he said "You mean you actually have to SIT DOWN and RELAX tonight?!?" Heehee. I said "Nope, I have to knit". ;)
Today, for the first time in months, I deep cleaned my entire house. Everything is absolutely spotless. I'm hoping it stays that way for at least the night. But I think I'm going to sleep good tonight, haha.
The wonderful Molly over at Molly Makes Do has sweetly offered me some free ad space on her side bar for a bit. If you don't read her blog already, you really need to. It is filled with family and faith and she has the best, most positive outlook on life, despite some hard times. Very strong woman, and I admire her greatly.
Well, I'm sure I've bored you enough and have definitely talked your ear/eyes off. So I'm off.
Happy Veteran's Day! Thank you to all who have and continue to serve!